Call me a rare species, but I am a romantic at heart and I am proud
of it. Growing up, I have a list with specific traits of how a great
relationship should be – how it should look like from the outside, how
it should feel on the inside. Experiences and people have reshaped the
said list over the years, but one trait remains: a good relationship
should make you fall for your other half every single day.
It means butterflies in the stomach. It means waking up with a smile
knowing you are with the person you want to be with. It means looking
forward to the end of work because you know you will see him after.
Being in a 3-year-old relationship, some days those magical feelings
come without any effort, but there are days when it is more flat than
fluffy.
Finishing each other's sentences used to be the highlight of our days
but really – after a while it only makes us roll eyes because both of us
are reacting the same way to the same things day by day. When it's more
of a routine and not a privilege to see the other half – there only are
two choices: to succumb in the comfort and risk falling out of love, or
rekindle the fire to feel loved and fulfilled once again.
The wise man says the beginning and the end do not matter, but in
between them; we live. Here, is the lists 5 tips for longtime
lovers to keep the electricity alive and in time, build the coveted
wine-like relationship.
1. Let each other finish own sentences
There is a difference between understanding and assuming that we know
our other half better than anyone else, including himself. It is really
easy to form the continuation to his stories in your head and say it out
loud – without remembering that things change and stories do not always
end the same way. If you know what he's going to say every single time –
wouldn't it be the same as being in a relationship with yourself? Why
would you need him in the very first place? Re-learn the art of
listening – listen more than you talk, and you will cherish each other's
presence more.
2. Go on secret dates
Many longtime couples, especially those who live together, spend a lot
of time together but do not go on dates anymore. Remember when we were
the carefree, hormonal teenager, dates are the highlights of our lives?
Dates are thrilling – the fun of choosing what to wear, where to go,
and what to do create a sense of excitement that we don't get anymore
once we choose to spend more quality time at home and only go out for
the sake of going out. Arrange a surprise date for each other, meet him
somewhere and do things that you don't usually do. Have fun, be
teenagers once more and you will come home happier (and gigglier).
3. Spend some time apart
Cliché has it that long distance relationships don't work, but for those
which does, it is because distance has its plus sides besides the usual
'what if one of us meets someone new' issue. Having the chance to miss
our other half help us to remember why we choose to build a relationship
with him in the very first place. Plus, there would be exciting new
stories to swap once you are reunited. To create some space, you don't
need to take up job offers overseas or the likes. Going on a girls-only
holiday trip, taking up a new activity or starting up a small business
would do. You would have a world that is solely yours – where he is only
a spectator and not an actor.
4. Say the magic words
No, it is not the 8-lettered 'I love you', but the simple 'please' and
'thank you'. A friend once commented on how my partner and I still thank
each other for the simplest of things; she believes such gesture only
shows that we have not reached the top level of intimacy. In other
words, we are not that close just yet. However, I believe those words
show that you appreciate your partner and the things he does – including
his willingness to get out of bed to turn off the lights when none of
you really want to do the chore.
5. Talk it all out
Discuss your feelings, the wild dreams you have, even the stagnant point
that you two are stuck in and make being with a stranger sound like a
good idea. In other words, do not sweep anything under the rug. Being in
a longtime relationship, you should be able to tell your partner where
exactly you like to be touched and if your old flame texted you earlier
in the day. Talking about sensitive matters with your partner should not
be about hurting each other's feelings, but to get that reminder that
someone is there for you, even in the ugliest of times. If you do not
have that liberty to do so – it really is about time you evaluate your
relationship – are you two really compatible for each other, or do you
only stay together out of comfort?
#must be use able for me :D